I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
