how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
