Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
