you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
