would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
