and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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