Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
time to smoke my breakfast
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want her autograph on my taint
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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