I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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