My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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