If i come over, it means nothing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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