I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
