This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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