Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
