just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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