Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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