smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
