You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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