I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
