Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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