member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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