I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
