then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
