You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
