I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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