you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
