oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
