After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
