Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
