Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
