I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
