nut hugger
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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