A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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