I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
