She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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