He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
