I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
