i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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