mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Found your dick twin last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
