i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
