"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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