I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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