..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
