so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
