accomplished twins. life is a go
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
