girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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