We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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