About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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