My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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