when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
