All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
