dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
